The Love of a Mother to a Son

Pay attention to the shadow, that's me!

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In my long haul flight to Vancouver, there was a pair of mother and son sitting next to me. The mother looks in her early forties, but giggling like a high school girl while talking to her teenage son. I feel a bit sick seeing it, what is she doing without a mother's supposingly demeanor. Perhaps she is still seeing her adolescent son as a 3-year-old?

I have been thinking how a father/mother should act toward the daughter/son. Confucious teachings taught Chinese that boys and girls should not sit at the same mat since the age of 8. But he forgot to say much about parenting. I have seen cases where the controlling parents bonded together to treat their children as their belongings (parents decided what the children do and who they date, in the name of It-is-all-for-your-good). But nothing is freakier than the special bonding between the opposite sex of parents and children. The incest taboo is heavily encarved in every culture, perhaps that explains why we are so sensitive about it (or it is just me? Typing out the word "incest" is nearly enough to send the chill down my spine).

My father is not a stereotype Chinese father, in the sense that he likes to hug, kiss and even bite us. I was bitten in my forehead and chin as a child. It sure was weird but he was simply showing his passion. I put an end to all those in one winter morning. My father came to my room to wake me up, and I think he was trying to kiss his teenage daughter good morning while she was in bed. I went absolutely blister and kicked him off my bed as hard as I could. He was very hurt (maybe also physically?), and didn't talked to me for a while. We have never touched each other since and I don't regret it. Basically I don't like to have physical contact with anyone but my boy friend, I think. Sometimes the urge to touch someone might be induced by the need to form a quick bonding. This was observed in apes (check out the book "the apes in the offices). Pretty handy gesture for insecured people.

I have heard story that the daughter in law woke up in the middle of night seeing the mother in law sitting in the bed she shared with her husband, stroking her husband's hair and looking at him dreamily. Very revolting.

However, I think there might be less tension between me and my father if we had better handled this undeniable stress between father and growing-up daughter. Yet the other piece of advice to those control-freak parents, go get some life for yourself and stop being a boring person.