Shyness Awareness Campaign

As many of you have guessed, my brain is filled with junk.

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The main theme in "the Lucifer Effect" is about situational power. Why a teenage soldiers could do unthinkable cruelty to captives in Abu Ghraib or Guantanamo, and claims it is only a game to have some fun. The author even spelled out 10 conditions to get a normal person into the tourmentor, such as instructing him this action is good for some complex, high and long term goal, such as someone is standing aside indicating he/she will take all responsiblity, etc.

However, I am paying more attention to the victimized side of the evil situation. Shyness in victims to protest sometimes provokes more attack and more violent treatment. Of course, keeping silent and avoiding being too outstanding is some sort of oriental way of living. I have seen quite a few overly sensitive people (usually guys, perhpas this contracts stereotype male quality more ) missing out a lot of fun, chances, and opportunities because they are shy.

A friend insisted to finish his Starbucks coffee before entering a Lavazza coffee shop. I was like, what's the big deal. It is not like we are remorselessly sitting there without making any purchase (I am buying coffee for a group of 3). Being honed by other drivers in the road, what is your problem, not everyone has to drive like a Formula One professional. I eat whenever I feel like to eat in the office, never mind others' scrunity about why I am eating a full plate of pasta at 10:30 am.

As I age, I start to understand there is nothing to feel apologetic for. Being disliked? Hey, com'on, take a number, there is a queue of not liking me.

WenHui and Alison's Kid

The crying monkey

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At my last day in Taipei, the mother's day, I went out shopping spree with my mom. But that's the worse day to shop in the city ever, because every store we went to was close. Both my mom and I were irritated "why should we have mother's day? Does it mean you don't need to be nice to your mom on other days of the year?". Anyhow, we make it a piority to visit Alison's wife, WenHui, who just delivered a baby in that very morning. Alison is my brother's elementary school mate, but for some reason, this guy shows up in our every family photos, from elementry school to college. Wenhui is the sweetest, purest girl you can meet in the whole Taipei city. She became my mom's friend, she introduced me as her god mother's daugher to others.

We seemed to be the first visitor in her room, Alison was on his way back from China, the kid was delivered earlier than expected. Wenhui saw us coming in and she started to tear. But anyhow, my mom and Wenhui started to chat about labour and I execused myself to the toilet. Gee, just walking around this department of a hospital is enough to weak my knees.

13 Meters Under (5)

That wasn't me, but it is pretty similar what we were seeing 13 meters under.

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When coming back to the shore in one of our dives, I was waiting for others and I put my face down under the water, using the snorkel to breath so I can see those pretty fishes. A big wave came and I was chocking, instructor Lai questioned what a smart act not to use regulator, you want to feed the fish air? I was made fun of by my classmates Queenie and Hui the whole time. "Hey Joey, want to share your air with fish?" "Oh your friends have problems breathing, look at them gabbling with open mouth, time to feed them some air".

I was OK to be made fun of, nothing wrong to provide some entertainment. Besides, they all want to team up with me because I am famously consuming very little air. We enjoyed each other's company greatly, hanging out dinner and lunch the next day.

I gave up my last dive on Saturday afternoon in order to hurry back to Taipei for the mother's day dinner. When finishing my last dive, I skillfully and hastily walked toward the shore, released myself from the weight and BCD, stripped off my wetsuit. My instructor came after me asking why the hurry. "I really need to use the bathroom". He nearly cracked up "I am afraid I cannot let you graduate if you cannot do the business in the sea".

13 Meters Under (4)

Hanging out with another group of inline skaters, all of them are serious slalom players.

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I guess people who dive are very positive and amiable. The dive center I register in constantly have divers in and out, to refill the air tank, to collect their equipments, or just to hang out. All are tanned with broad smile. I made friends with the dive center staff. After harvesting coconuts with Chou-Tou, who looks after the equipment. He secretly upgraded my BCD and wet suit overnight, and told me to hold on to them. I chatted with Shiu over coffee whenever possible. Anything I need from room service, I will have it, she assured me (unfortunately, I wasn't able to take the advantage since I even brought my own towels, shampoo, coffee pot and mug). I thank them for giving me such a good time and warmth.

The only bad thing of hanging out with the young kid instructor too much is that I started to talk and walk like a gangster, hey, which is very useful in southern Taiwan. One of the divers (he was chewing betel nuts and looks like a real gangster) watched me walk toward the storage room, and commented that "Miss, you walk with a lot of CHI".

The dive on the second day and third got easier and easier. I became more and more familiar with the equipments, assembling and washing became pretty routine. Of course, we did spend a lot of time studying and practising the tests, such as what to do when goggles were filled with water, what to do if the regulator drops, what to do if you are running out of air or if we can take off and put on the BCD or the weights in water. It is actually quite challenging to stay awake after dinner to finish our writing test until midnight.

13 Meters Under (3)

Assistant instructor Tony and the very experience young kid, Instructor Lai, accompanied me to my first dive. It is right next to the nuclear power plant's cooling waterduck outlet. With regulator in my mouth, I test dived in the shallow water for 2 minutes. So far so good, I can see so many tiny fishes and colourful tropical fishes swimming in front of my eyes. Getting up from the test dive and being asked how I felt, I seriously told my instructors that I could lay there face down for the whole day.

We slowly submerged into the water, I breathed slowly, inhaled deeply and exhaled as much as I can to reduce the dead air space in the air passage, which is our breathing passage lengthened by the regulator. Though the air supply is amble, I seemed not able to overcome the irrational fear that I am suffocating. It is quite impossible to surface to grab air without spending time to depressurize. There is no way out! I only had the panic attack the second time with diving with my 2 other classmate, Queenie and Hui.

Surprisingly, coral reef survive and thrive near the warm water outlet of the nuclear power plant. A thousands of small silver fishes swriling in the light blue sea above my head, I could only concentrate on my breathing (breathing through mouth doesn't give me much confidence that my body is getting enough oxygen). However, I was so distracted by the beauty of under water world. A pair of semi-transparent squids flying in the distance of my arm's reach, when disturbed, the pair dashed away with a faint cloud of ink.

When I was a kid, I went fishing with my dad at seaside almost every Sunday. It is so fun to see those fishes we used to catch swimming next to me, just like seeing a long lost friend. There is a kind of black fish with buldge oragne eyes, size about my palm, very territorial. When approaching its rock, it came and stared at me without considering our sizes are dramatic different.

The water temperature is around 29 celcius, by applying this breathing techinque learnt in my Zen lesson, I consumed very little air, while my classmates used up all. What a strange benefit Zen class has brought.

13 Meters Under (2)

The chief instructor finally turns up, a young kid (thinking he is in his mid 20 max) with authorative look, that might be because taking noivce diving into the deep sea takes a lot of responsibilities. You have to make correct decisions in the split second, usually live-death ones. The oldest son of the diving family, the father is in a diver conference in Taipei, this young kid is in charge of the whole shop. Speaking fluent Taiwanese, he has the perfect gangster image, unrefine, grass-rooted but alert and intellegent.

I like this young kid right away, he has the absolute power, seriously going through the equipment configuration, scolding me mercilessly if idiotic mistake surfaces. After wetsuit was worn, air tank connected, everything loaded to the truck, I was so excited asking which swimming pool we are going to. Ciggarette butt hanging in the corner of his mouth, my young instructor said "Pool?! We go straight to the sea". I guess this is the Taiwanese way of diving training. If you can dive in open water, why wasting time in confined water, you learn more anyways and it saves money.

13 Meters Under (1)

Rene (the middle one) came to experience diving, Queenie and I are the hardcore entry level open water divers, are seriously after the license.
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I packed up my backpack again and set out for my quest of entry level open water diving license in Kenting. With the high speed railway, I arrived in Kaoshiong within 2 hours. My cousin, Sandy, came to pick me up, we had nice seafood dinner in the night market. I was really anxious about my diving lesson the next day at 9am, which is still 2 hours bus ride away from Kaoshiong, didn't get too much alcohol in my system. My cousin, Sandy, is a real cutie and still looks 14 though 22 years old. Seeing her sleeping soundly in her shorts and tan top, man, it is really good to be young. Jealousy made me wake her up without mercy, I forced her to get ready and drive me to the bus station at 5:30am.

Traveling alone is actually a very nice thing, you don't really need to seek approval from anyone, the only person you need to please is yourself. It is a strange type of sense of freedom, hey, I am a big girl now, I know what I am doing. Backpack proved to be very useful, improvising changing transportation or changing direction is not a problem at all.

I arrived in the diving resort place and my instructor is still asleep because there has been some mess up in my reservation. Nevertheless, I proceeded studying the courses in the morning with the assistant instructor, Tony. Tony was a bit timid, guess that's because he was still painting woman's face a couple weeks ago (he quit his job as a make up artist).

I pretty much learnt the chemistry and physics about diving after the first 2 lessons, was very eager to expericne the dive, at least that's what the video tape tells me.

Wake up at 4:30am

Thinking my ordeal of lacking of proper sleep is going to an end after returning home, I happily hung out with my parents the night I arrived. Things were not as cool as I expected it to be, because my mom wakes up 4:30 every morning to play TaiChi. Though she didn't want to wake me up on purpose, I woke up and walked down to the park with her around 5am. I read my books while she played her Taichi in super slow motion, didn't want to pay her too much attention just in case she felt shy. It is indeed very nice to keep her accompany. We then went to my brother's house to take over my nephew, the golden pig, from my sister in law, who is going to take the 6:15 am community bus to go to work. I spent my morning hanging out with my mom until 8am (when I feel bored with my 10 month old nephew).

Geez, it is more tiring to vacation then work.

Trip to Nagoya, Kyoto and Back (4)

Though I wanted to sleep more, I awaked at 6. Getting ready in the morning includes brewing a nice cup of coffee, getting some reading done, and applying sun block. By the time I reached the bus station, I knew I am going to miss the 9 am class. Oh well, not very good but I still walked into the temple complex with thick skin. Attending the 10:40 class, I was the only guest. The monk is surprisingly young, he explained that he only decided to take over his father's abbot role last year, speaking southern US accent English, the temple complex was tranquil and calming, it is so hard to imagine what it is like to grow up in this environment. We talked about the art work, history and Zen while strolling across the garden.

The Zen experience is amazing, by concentrating on the breathing, the body is very relaxing yet the mind is alert. Half an hour motionless sitting doesn't seem long or boring at all. I thanked and farewelled the monk, started my real Kyoto journey on foot and by bus.

Failed to hook up with my rollerblade friend in Kyoto, I set out rollerskating in the city, the town is very romantic, small streams ran through the heart of it, crystal clear that you can see to the bottom. I took a nap near the river under the shade, submerging in the tranquility and grace. It is something invisible yet so powerful, what is the difference between Tokyo and Kyoto? The architecture? The people? The food? Hard to conclude in one single sentence.

By the time I reach the bus station, I was sweaty, stinky and exhausted. However, my spirit is high because I will be boarding the flight back to Taiwan the next day. I awaited my bus patiently, however, it seemed no receptionists knew where my bus is. With my limited Japanese, I managed to find out that my bus was delayed. So I waited patiently. However, when the bus was overdue by 30 minutes only then I was alerted. I managed to miss my bus back to Tokyo. It is already 10:30pm, no more bullet train to take me back to Tokyo, and calling every hostel in Kyoto replied no spare bed available.

I was really panicking, it wasn't too fun to spend a night in train station after 72 hour lacking of good sleep. I called Irene to do an internet search for beds (running out of tricks in my sleeve). This smart girl, she immediate suggested to move westward, to Osaka. It is a bigger city than Kyoto, I might have a chance to find beds or even a ride back to Tokyo. I rushed to the JR ticket center, luckily someone is still there. Upmost helpful, he found me a fast train to Osaka and the invaluable bus ticket leaving from Osaka to Tokyo. However, I only have 10 minutes layover to find my bus station after touching down Osaka. He said to me with serious face, "Please run".

I did run and didn't miss my last chance to get back to Tokyo. After settling in my seat, I plug in my ipod and it plays the Viens, Mallika (Lakmé). At the moment I felt there are singing angels flying and flowers bloossoming.

Trip to Nagoya, Kyoto and Back (3)

Aoki and Irene took me to the famous ramen shop in Nagoya, the taste is very different from Tokyo one. Thick pork soup with thick chewy noodles full of nice wheat flavor. The most amazing thing is that they add full spoonful of chopped up raw garlic into the steaming hot soup. It feels very Taiwanese, I am just a bit worried that I will be reeking of garlic smell in Zen class tomorrow.

I did plan my trip this time (normally I didn't do any research before traveling). Due to my cheapo traveling philosophy, I managed to find the cheapest way to Kyoto by taking a local trains, the only catch is that I had to change trains 3 times. Arrived in Kyoto around 11pm, the hostel is 3 big blocks away from the station on the map, so I decided to walk.

Kyoto is very different from Tokyo, there are not that many high rise and the ambience is much more quieter and friendly. I enjoyed the walk though my back pack was heavy and noted that I haven't had proper sleep for almost 48 hours. It took me a while to figure out where my hostel is, I am supposed to share the room with 7 other girls, I cannot help but singing in my heart, imaginig the flat, clean, dry bed I can rest on.

I carried my exhausted and stinky body up to fourth floor, reaching my bed, using extra effort not to make any noise to awake others. However, my bed was occupied. I then carried my tired body down to the ground floor to explain the situation. The hostel staff was very embarrassed, she apologized for the mess up. I squeezed my last streak of energy to smile, saying I don't care where they put me, as long as I can have a place to sleep after showering.

The hostel staff managed to put a bed in the storage room, I was so exhausted that I passed out the moment my head touched down the pillow. Though I had only 5 hours to sleep because I have to wait up at 7 to find my way to the Zen class in west Kyoto.

CEO Pay

K was a our family friend for years, and his long-time hands-off CEO turned up in the company one day and claiming he want the full control over the operation. The most shocking bit was the CEO claimed that he should have 70% of the shares instead of 60%, which was agreed upon when they started the VC firm 2 years ago.

I was very shocked, in western culture, integrity and consistency are the 2 important qualities to measures a human being. Without them, it is hard to find yourself a job/friends/partner. K's CEO is a very well-known, widely respected politician, yet he can backed down on what he had promised before. Yes, money is very important but reputation/integrity/consistency is the ulmost important virtues for survivals. Perhaps the old CEO doesn't care and he doesn't need to want to preserve any face. I despite him, he could have done it in a clever way without showing his ugly face. Perhaps things work differently in Chinese world?

Speaking of CEO pay has gone sky high after 1980's, that's because their pays are mostly linked to stock. CEO are paid relative to the performance of the company instead of being paid like a bureaucrat. It is hard to mesure how well a CEO has done to increase the revenue of the business, stock price seems to be very good indicator. CEO will spend less since spending the company's money is like to spend his/her personal wealth. At the same time, CEOs are taking more risk (because of their big fat paycheck, it is said that they take higher risk if fired, how about me???).

It doesn't mean paying CEO a sky high salary is to rip off the shareholders. Suppose the CEO has made the revenue increase tenfold, guess it is OK. This high paying CEO also boosts CEO to push high the stock prices - by all means. Such as re-pumping the revenue into its own stock holding. CEOs are hoping they can vast their option and take profit.

Vitas Opera #2

I first heard about Vitas's opera #2 in Beijing, his song is so full of emotion and engaging. The damn thing is that he is pretty attractive. Maybe not good looking in a sense of handsome, manly. But full of style and quickiness, espcially when he's on stage.

I think you have to be very full of yourself to be an artist like him. Check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjO_VXHxsRw

Trip to Nagoya, Kyoto and Back (2)

Ayumi is a flower arrangement specialist, this is one of her work, I believe.
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Nagoya was fun, I rollerskated around the city with my backpack, it was only 6am in the morning. I literally owed the whole city but I was also extremely tired and hungry, I finally gave up the ambitious plan of skating around Nagoya before Irene wakes up and retired to the cool Starbucks for a huge cup of Latte.

Irene came to rescue me and commented if I can still fit into those trousers she gave me because my belly fat was visible. OK, I need to be more careful with icy cold beer from now on.

Drove another hour to Ayumi's house, it was a perfect picnic day, hot and dry, we joked and ended our picnic lunch with a stroll in the fields, of course, I put on my rollerskate, enjoyed the speed and cool breeze, anticipating my trip to Kyoto and hoping it is not too hard to find my hostel tonight.

Pretty Cool Quotes

feel obliged to put something on the blog, it has been a long time not seeing pictures...
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I was reading a young Chinese writer's work recently, it is so comical and fun, I bursted out laughing loud in train, in restaurants and in bus during my travel to Kenting. Feng studied medicine in Beijing, MBA in US then worked for consultancy firm in Hong Kong. A couple of interesting quotes:

"Being a doctor, 3 things to remember. One, do not question the patient why he/she caught such a disease. Two, most of the disease are self-healing. Three, those cannot be self-healed are usually not curable."

"What type of wife you like to marry?" "The interesting one, gussing we are going to live very long with modern technology, it would be boring if she is dull".

The protagonist was trapped in the lab continuously dripped the solution for days and caught tendon inflammation in his right hand, while his classmate had the same problem by feeling up too many pairs of breasts in gynecology department. Ha ha ha..

Please Wait

I spent the past 10 days traveling like mad, there are so many things I need to write about. But really sorry that I was too lazy to use my camera during the whole time, no pictures. I would have to translate my crazy traveling into words in the next couple of days.

To begin with, I thought about a short story written by a useless guy in mid Chin dynasty. (The reason I called this guy useless because he was writing something that was despited by his peer self-respected scholars. He went around China gathering ghost stories and edited them into a book - 聊齋異誌).

I thought about the story on my flight back to Tokyo, the turbulance was shaking the aircraft violently, it almost wanted to answer the call of gravity. Damn, I was practicsing the newly acquired Zen breathing technique and thought, it wasn't too bad if I die here. The story goes like this.

There was a big boat ferrying passengers over Yanzi river. When the boat reached the middle of the river, where no shores on both sides can be seen, strong winds thunders and lightenings arised out of blue. The boat was tossed in big waves helplessly, everyone on board thought this's going to be the end, rain kept falling on their scared faces. All of sudden, the thunder god appeared behind the furious cloud with eye-irritating ray, holding a piece of wood board with only three words "Sun Bi Zhen (孫必振)". The captain immidiately shouted to the crowd "who is Sun? You must piss off the river god, we have to sacrifice you." A young man surfaced himself with ghostly white face. Angry people started to push and pounch the poor young man. The captain threw him a wood board so he can hold on to and threw him into the river.

Sun watched the boat sailed away while waiting for his final to hit, a moment later, a ear deafening thunder struck the boat, broke it half. Sun witnessed it sank to the bottom of the huge river without anyone survived.

Trip to Nagoya, Kyoto and Back (1)

You must neither strive for truth nor seek to lose your illusions
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I finally set out my trip to the west of Japan, Kansai, where people are more friendly and loud. I am the true believer of abusing oneself in order to save money (in fact, it is very fun to do to calculate the expense and seriously control my budget, I don't know why it is almost like an addiction. However, my experience told me 99% of the time, the cheapest turns out to cost me similar to those expensive package).

Anyhow, cheapo grad student traveling usually registers more fun. We tend to remember the catastrophic events more than pleasant ones of our traveling years later. Cheapo grad student travel style proves to bring more trouble and embarrassments, I think this is a great way to kill time if traveling alone.

My main purpose to Kyoto is to attend the Zen class, which is taught by English speaking Monk. I went through his resume carefully, University of Austin grad study of international affair, I only hope that he didn't earn his degree in 1950. Anyhow, since Nagoya is between the Tokyo and Kyoto, I decide to pay Irene a visit (and party with friends, Ayumi, whom we met in London). I decided to travel by night bus, which was scheduled to depart from Tokyo around 11pm and arrive in Nagoya at 6am. The fare is half of Shinkensien (bullet train), and I was only too eager to experience the overnight bus. I walked to the station with my backpack, huge because I had to stuff my rollerskates in. It was raining very hard, I had a very feeling when seeing the bus that is going to take me all the way to Nagoya.

It is just a normal bus, the seat is small and air stuff, there is no bathroom on board, man, it is even worsen than the airport limobus. It is too late to turn back, I have paid for the ride therefore I went. The seat was definitely worse than anything you can imagine, there is no way you can correctly place your head when sleeping without pain after waking up. The interior was sealed by heavy curtain, we cannot even see the driver, who is very diligent, dutifully awake when arriving in a service area every 2 or 3 hours. I still managed to sleep, however, it is just very annoying that when I arrived in Nagoya, I had to spend some coins to sit on the massage chair to release the uneasiness.

How Doctors Think

I am reading a surprisingly good book written by a doctor with 30 more years of experience. He is trying to decode the mystery of the interaction between patients and doctors. The relationship between patients and doctors is quite a strange one, you have to trust your doc, and tell her/him every embarrassing pieces of information/history about your body. Though not a doctor myself, but I bet you get better attention when she/he likes you. When bonding forms, the communication flows freely in both direction. It doesn't matter whether she/he is the best in the field, patients get better treatment when their doctors listen. Mundane theory but amazingly how similar it resembles to any relationship in life. You don't need to have the brightest in the team to do the work, you have to put the right person in the right place to do the best job. Oh, I am flying off the tangent line again.

Of course doctors make mistakes, a lot of medical theories or procedures were not properly tested (you cannot test on human beings). For example, there is a standard point of entry to poke the bone needle into the fibric sack wrapping the heart if filled with liquid. If you ask any internists or surgen, where is the point, they can precisely recite the information. When asking why it is so, no one can really answer, they were taughted that is the correct way to go by their teachers in med schools, and so were their teachers.

To be honest, I was not expecting too much when purchasing this book, however, it is another very engaging read. Are doctors a special breed of intellectuals, they need to be logical and empathizing with their patients. It is also very interesting to see the world through their eyes. Highly recommended.